Movie Reviews by the Brown Belt Slumlords

We live in Fond du Lac And there's nothing to do, so when we're not hard at work with the band, we watch crappy horror movies.

Troll 2: This thriller starts off with a bang. Picking up where its predescor didn't leave off, troll 2 starts in the middle of nowhere. T2 quickly grabs your attention with a bunch of poorly dressed midgets running threw the woods dressed as trolls. Because of the low budget the midgets could only afford burlap sacks to wear. Anyway, the basic premise of the movie is that a family moves to Nilbog(Goblin spellt backwards!!) where they are tormented by people who are actually trolls. Boo yah-- one hell of a thriller or one hell of a crappy movie--you decide. This movie is probably at the top of our "laugh yourself to death at how completely stupid this movie" scale. #1

Elves: this movie stars mt childhood hero, Dan haggerty, better known for his role as Grizzly Adams. This movie is terrible, poor producing, bad acting, awful dialogue stupid plot. You can tell that we loved it. Even though it is not quite as good as troll2 it is terribly funny. the main plot of the movie deals with a bunch of fascist elves that need to reproduce with a girl who has been inbred. Who ever directed this movie had no idea what he was doing. Two thumbs up from all of the slumlords.

Bloodsucking Freaks: To put this mildly, this movie is nothing more then a whole lot of naked women getting tortured by a midget who has a striking resemblence to Tito Jackson. And for some reason, we couldn't get enough of it. This movie is one of a kind. But with a budget under $25, it;'s hard not to make a porno staring a sadomasticistic producer who has a midget side kick. This movie is so bad we watched it three times. This movie is drop dead hilarious because it is so bad.

Ghoulies 2: I believe the costume designer from troll 2 helped the ghoulies staff because the ghoulies look like a bunch of mangy cats dressed up and walking around on their hind legs. In ghoulies 1 the ghoulies number in the twenties, but in ghoulies two their must have been some lay offs because only 4 ghoulies showed up. They include a ghoulie that shoots sticky flem and looks like a rat, another ghoulie resembles a rabid cat, while another reminds me of a lizard that got ran over by a car, and finally their was a bat ghoulie who didn't do anything. Anyway the plot of the movie is this---a circus sucks, ghoulies show up from the depths of "hell" and scare people. Somehow people like the poorly dressed ghoulies and the circus does good put in the end the ghoulies get busted. And to top it all off, the midget from troll 1 makes a dy-na-mite screen appearance and steals the show. the slumlords found this movie quite appealing.

Jack Frost: We usually direct our attention towards low budget eighties movies, but we couldn't refuse this one. It's about a criminal who falls in toxic waste in the middle of winter, then melts into the snow where he combines with the snow to form an evil snow man. This movie was plain old stupid-funny. The whole point of the movie is that a snow man goes around a small town killing people by smothering them with his huge hands that look like white oven mits, or choking them with Christmas lights. At the end all the people suddenly find blow dryers and they save the town. But there is a secret extra in this movie. At the end when the towns people are running into the city hall, away from the snowman killer, a extra slowly walks out of the hall holding a stick with marshmellows on it and then slips of to the side. Really bad. The slumlords rate this one of the worst horror films of the late nineties. Two kooky oven mits up.